"It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it." ~Sam Levenson
"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something." ~Jackie Mason
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying." ~Woody Allen
"Anyone who teases you loves you." ~Jewish Proverb (Maybe it's not exactly funny, but I got a laugh out of it. I mean, by those standards, think how well loved we are!)
"No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you." ~Sholom Aleichem
"God could not be everywhere and therefore He made mothers." ~Jewish Proverb
"Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." ~Winston Churchill
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." ~Thomas Edison
"Get the facts first. You can distort them later." ~Mark Twain
"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one." ~Charles Sykes
"Computers will never replace good old-fashioned human stupidity." ~Anonymous
"Multi-tasking - Screwing everything up simultaneously." ~Anonymous
Welp, that's all for now purple-eyed creatures.
~Bessyboo