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Vulgi Clari

Sorry for the rambly-ness. This is pretty much just stream-of-conciousness mind clearing... / August 12th / 6:34 PM / Feeling / Hearing ...?Feeling / Hearing "Don't Wake Me Up" -- The Hush Sound / 7 thoughts / Share

So. My grandma died last night. Not the one I'm close to--that's my dad's mother. The one I visit in Atlanta every summer. Yeah, Grandmother Barbara's fine. Luckily for me. To be honest, I haven't been close to Grandma for years. Since elementary school, really. And she's been sick for YEARS--she really hasn't been the same since her meltdown at Thanksgiving in 2005. Maybe even before then. She didn't even really have any specific illness...more like a whole bunch of old-age type things accumulating and finally just becoming too much. So it wasn't out-of-the blue. She went into hospice last week, but this *was* WEEKS earlier than they expected. My mom's a mess. And I'm gonna have to go to the funeral with her in Connecticut. We leave tomorrow morning. To be honest, the first thought that went through my head when my dad told me this morning? "Damn, I'm gonna miss Project Runway." Does that make me a horrible person? Eh, probably. I'm kind of too exhausted to care right now. I slept at my dad & his girlfriend's apartment last night. They've got a very comfy sofa bed. We saw the Twins game last night. (Yay for shutting out the Yankees!) Marisa's nice. It's the first time I've spent any extended period time with her. She's kind of...scarily like me in a lot of ways. Very dedicated to her work, swears a little more than she probably should, hates children but loves animals. She's a lot like my mom on the surface--like, on a superficial level--but really, she's much more like me than Mom. Or Dad. Which is...I don't know how I feel about that. It's interesting. I like her, though. Anyway, Summer's lucky. She gets to skip out on the funeral, because she happens to be at camp this week. She's at this theater/performing arts thing. Very small. All her friends are there. She's rooming with Feefo (her best friend since jr. high; a dancer) and Hope (her richie-rich Asian friend; a singer). By the way, she and Hope have started up a vlog/site called "Redhead and an Asian", which I am producing & editing. I'll be sure and give you guys a link once stuff is up. It's all about Minnesota & New York theater, with a dash of randomness and Disney Channel thrown in, just for good measure. So anyway. I'm leaving tomorrow. The funeral's not until Friday, so I won't be back until Saturday. The good news, though, is that I finally got the part I needed for my laptop, AND I got my cell phone fixed, so I will soon be actually reachable! SOON! Anyway, I have to go pack. Ugh, I hate finding funeral-appropriate outfits. Later, purple-eyed creatures. ...okay, I lied. I totally have more to talk about my grandmother's death. I dunno, I don't feel sad, and that makes me feel like there's something wrong with me, you know? Like, I've definitely thought before (especially in the past couple years), "God, can't she just die already?" And now I...still don't really feel bad for thinking that. She had a good, full life, she's been unhealthy for a long time, and we really haven't even gotten along for a long time. Mostly, I DO feel bad for my mom and Grandpa. Grandpa's life--for YEARS--has been pretty much taking care of Grandma 24/7, and now that she's gone...well, they'd been married over sixty years. It's gotta be weird for him--bad weird. And my mom's just a mess. She actually had to go into work today to tie some stuff up so she could get time off to go stay with her family, and she called me this afternoon and it...didn't sound good. I'm not sure how much she was actually productive. You know, Mom never did tell Grandma about the divorce. She decided not to. She wasn't even going to tell Grandpa, because she thought he couldn't keep it from Grandma, but it ended up being too complicated, and she did end up telling him. But she never did tell her. And I know that she and Grandpa decided it wasn't appropriate for him to tell her, either. It's just...strange. My dad told me not to tell Mom that I slept at his and Marisa's place last night. He didn't clear it with her, it wasn't planned (the game went late and we were both tired), and the pets ended up being left alone at home, and he thought we just...shouldn't tell her. In her current condition. I don't disagree, but it's still just...strange. My family has never been the secret-keeping & hiding type before, and now...it's all over the place. Like I said. Strange. Just....different. Okay, that's all I got for right now. PS Bandom people, "Bess's Giant Spring/Summer Concert Recap! With multimedia and commentary by M!" is coming soon. Ish. Stay tuned! (Includes MCR, Honda Civic, Cab+Hush Sound, & Warped.) PPS Group? You know who you are. Please see the locked post after this.

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